Mellow Diversion

Currently too distracted to blog here.

Tumblr is waaay more interesting :D

Going crazy over all the interesting articles and pictures I saw...

Mine's here :D

Visit those site I've reblogged from.

It's so worth your time! ;)

Dream a Little Dream of Me

By Zooey Deschanel

Is it Merely Masochism?

I just realised how self-destructive I can be at times.
I want everything in life, but when I reach out for it,
I'll end up putting myself in a deeper shithole.

Like for instance...
Thinking that having a dog would take up my time,
so that I would miss the bf less...
Made me more miserable with unnecessary stress...
And I feel like I need him more now.
For sanity!


The puppy is stressing me out.
She's hyperactive and her biting drives me insane!
I would hate to admit this, but my parents were right.
Having a dog is not a great idea.
And well, my choice of the breed made it so much worse.
I saw a 7 weeks old Silky Terrier at the vet today.
Golly gee, she just sat quietly on her owners lap.
And she's soo darn tiny!
Unlike April, who's also 7 weeks old,
twice her size, and moves like a bullet train!
I feel like I'm about to pass out anytime....

And I'm such a horror in a relationship.
I'm the type who brings external stress, to the r'ship.
Like totally ruining the bf's effort of cheering me up,
when I was sooo upset about the whole doggie stress.
Sigh. I just can't help it.
Of course, that would be a perfect excuse for myself!

Stressing out easily + ruining every positive thing around = self destruction

As I always ask myself the infamous question...
Why the hell do I put myself through this?!

Well, at least now I know why.
Pfftt...

A Piece to Fill the Missing Puzzle

*pants*
As you can see, I barely have the time to blog properly now.
Got a new member in the family...
One that pees and poops anywhere, and everywhere.
One that does not know how to wipe her own bum bum.
One that bites and drools!
But she's sooo adorable, I wanna squeeze her!

Meet April!

She's such a handful! I barely have time for myself right now.
Gotta keep an eye on it, just in case the house will be filled with AMMONIA!
Just managed to train it to pee and poo on newspaper,
but she just can't help stuffing her nose and feet in it...


Aside from all that she's such a sweetheart.
Am trying really hard not to give into her whining...
But I gotta say, it ain't easy, AT ALL.
The past few nights have not been easy.
Especially for my parents...
I feel bad, really. For obliging them into this mess.
But I really need this.
Takes my mind off things.
Missing people.
Missing someone.
Missing everything.

She will help patch up a hole,
soon to be dug open and left bare.
Oh I do hope she helps me through whatever comes in August.
And well, she'll have soooo much love,
by so many people in return...

I feel a sudden need of freedom xD
I would be lying if I said I don't feel a tad bit of regret.
But ah well, I hold full responsibility...

On another note,
I hope you would understand this,
please do not put me in a tough situation.
You know I have someone.
And I truly hope we can be friends,
without the air of awkwardness.
If I have led you on, I sincerely apologise.
For that wasn't my intention.
But I am pretty convinced, that I have mentioned many times,
that I am in a relationship.
I hope this doesn't come in way of our friendship.

Will You Free This Heart of Mine?

I can't help but be mad at you.
Because it feels like you've already left.
Barely one and a half months remained.
It ain't gonna be easy,
no matter how you try to convince me otherwise.
I spaced out all my time, hoping to spend some with you.
And yes I know, family responsibilities...
I am surprised how tough some parents can be on their kids.
I am trying to be understanding.
But I am human. I am fragile.
I guess the separation needs some getting used to.
But I didn't expect it to be so soon...

I.need.a.dog.
Like, seriously!
That would solve all my problems.
It's a deal I made with my mom,
if I study locally, I GET A DOG.
Though I can't really do that, cause I live in an apartment.
But screw that! :D
Puppies can be trained.
It won't be easy, but it's possible.

Plus beagles are brilliant!
And shooooo adorable!
Look at him! How can you not want something so cute?
Ah, I'm in love.
I'll be heading to the pet shop, PRONTO!
Get my real life Snoopy :D

Only Time Will Tell

Things haven't been smooth.

I'm not in total control of the wheels, YET.

And they just keep spinning on,

regardless of how I feel.

Money is the root of ALL evil.

This is so darn true.

But it took a personal experience to hit me.

Yeah I have taken it for granted.

But it's so ironic ya know?

To make big money, you gotta spend the amount first...

Getting education isn't suppose to be a hurdle.

Going through the education's the one that's supposed tough.

It's so commercialized these days, it makes me sick.

It's even more revolting,

to know that Americans are getting so much education support.

Their problem is getting the GRADES.

We have plenty of bright students,

yet they're not helped...

Well, till now that is...

But isn't it a little to late for some?

The Star front page news, 11th July 2010

And so now they decide to reward excellent students.

Imagine how I felt when I woke up to this headline.

It's such a kick in the face, like literally!

What about all those students who've missed their chance?

YEARS AGO?! What about them? What about us?

This should have been a memorandum yearS ago!

I can rant all day, but yet nothing's gonna change.

As tempted as I am, to just sit on my butt,

and throw beer bottles at every fragile glass possible...

I gotta try, try and try again.

But I'm just sick of being rejected.

It sucks.

That's the easiest, clean and dignified way to describe it.

If I go full frontal on how it actually feels like,

I'll be strike off from any future references if this post surfaces.

This Tuesday.

Putrajaya.

JPA office.

Last attempt.

Because I don't think I can endure anymore rejection.

When you expect a long and windy way ahead; to be hit with a damned sign.

Here I Stand, Overlooking

I have a question.

What do you do when you find out

that you'll be stuck here, in this damned place?

Do you flee?

Do you surrender?

Or do you just plunge yourself into the sea,

hoping it'll drift you to a better place.

I feel silly for hoping that I'll ever leave.

Should have known that it has been predetermined,

that I'll be stuck right here.

For the very least, give me my freedom.

Being stuck here is a misfortune,

sentenced without mercy.

If only I had someone to blame.

But luck's the culprit.

It's so darn difficult to get financial aid in this god damned country!

The country that's gonna throw away billions of dollars,

on bloody BUILDINGS!

I ask myself,

what's the point of all the years of hardwork?

When it all comes down to nothing...

It makes me yearn to leave this place,

even more,

every single day.