White Sand & Blue Waves

Back from the beach!
It was b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l!
I can fall in love with the beach, any day!
The trip was great, though I left the island with a sore heart.
Just gonna brush that off, cause it doesn't matter, and everyone is leaving.
Bah! It was so emotional at the airport last night.
Tears were shed, goodbyes were said, and everyone knew what lies ahead.
As daunting as it may be, somehow we all knew it had to be this way.


I took a lot of anger and disappointment out on a lot of people for the past few days.
The boyf got most of the blow, which I felt really guilty.
Maybe that's the way I choose to handle the fact that everyone is leaving.
Or maybe I am truly disappointed about many things.
I do admit that sometimes I wish too much that things go my way.
But then again, things almost NEVER go the way I expect them to.
And I usually never get what I expected to.
Like for instance, I expected the trip to be an emotional one for me.
As in, I expected to burst out in tears at the airport when we bid farewell.
But I didn't. Instead, I felt rather numb inside.
After the night before, I just lost that feeling.


I just realised that as much as one wishes his/her exsistence to be noticed,
he/she would be just as invisible as thin air.
Or one's opinion would just fall on deaf ears... even when it's most vital.
Because sometimes, if not always, one is insignificant.


Maybe I'm just silly to expect so much from people.
I realise that when I do, I get far more disappointed.
And I should practice what I preached to MunBoy...
Expect less, and you'll (almost) never be disappointed.


After the emotional conversation with the boyf last night,
I just felt really really really numb.
And silly to feel upset but way too many things.
But I can't help it. Though I wish a million times that I could.
I burried my soaked cheeks in his arms,
hoping that things would just go back to the way they were...
That time wouldn't end.
That change didn't have to reoccur.
That I didn't have to be strapped on this rollercoaster ride of emotions...
AGAIN.


I realised there're more issues behind why I was rather upset and cranky.
The fact that I'm unsure about my next step.
Where will I be, when everyone's so certain where they'll head to?
My next step is controlled by many other parties.
And it sucks when one can't exactly decide where one would love to head to.


A fresh new start is approaching.
Usually I would anticipate it.
But now I just don't see a point.
When it failed the past two times.
And I'm wondering if the third would be the charm?

I am grateful for the promises you have made me, my love.
And I do hope with all my heart that they would come true.
I never really believed that LDR would work out.
By all means, prove me wrong. Surprise me.
Though I dare not promise that it would be easy for me.
But I promise that I'll never let it go easily.
I will cherish whatever time we have,
and I am always grateful for the moments we have.
Sorry if I hoped for more, cause' after thinking about it again...
I realised, there's nothing more I could wish for.
Because I have you.

And as for you, who are as important to me.
I can't help but feel I don't matter to you as much as I assumed I did.
Because it matters to me that we remain honest to each other.
No matter how ugly situations may get,
there shouldn't be a hesitation to confide in each other.
Maybe I thought wrong? Maybe I misinterpreted our last emotinal spill out?
Because I am confused.
And the only way I know how to deal with it now, is to run.
Since you're leaving, I'm not sure whatever happens matter anymore?
So where does it go from here?

Looking back, there're so many emotional chaos.
I wish things would have gone on smoothly...
But life doesn't grant you silly wishes, does it?
Nevertheles... I am truly grateful for all the important people in my life.
The past one and a half year has been great!
And the past 3 days, have been wonderful.
The great times would be remembered,
the sorrows will somehow fade (I hope).

And what remains in the end, are sunny memories.
Beatiful as they were, sweet as they came, memorable as they pass.
Thanks for the emotional ride.
Of both thrill & fun.
May you all have a wondeful journey ahead.
And I hope we shall cross paths once again...
Whenever, wherever, and however.

With love,
Steph :)