Beating of Four Chambers

so what's the worst feeling you felt in the world?
i just found mine.
ever felt a heartache so bad you can't even breathe?
like the four chamber walls just constricted,
like it's gonna choke you out of your life.
that pang of pain in your chest...
the more you try to fight back the tears,
the harder it gets for the pain to go away.
and when you do finally release those tears,
you find that you can't breathe from all the sobbing.
your hands clench the side of your mattress,
or jabbing em into your pillow,
barricading the sound from flooding the silent night.
this goes on for the next few mins, that feels like forever.
and when it comes to a sudden stop....
you recollect yourself, wipe your tears dry,
clear your nasal area, and take a long deep breath.
you come out feeling like a trainwreck,
and you ask yourself... "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?"

i fear each day that passes by...
because as each day pass by we're getting more distant.
when that huge hurdle comes up again...
it's week one, and it seems like it's heading that way again.
but this time it's different... because i don't doubt how i feel...
at least not as much as before.
have you ever had someone, but somehow feel like you never did?
or that it's not gonna be for long, somehow?
i don't know why i'm feeling that way.
and this new found fear that it's gonna be a struggle again,
kills me... it really really kills me...

i fucking hate LDR.
i might answer with a smile, or a light cynical laughter,
when people ask me, "how is the LDR maaan?"
"yeah it's tough. but we manage. somehow."
when i just wanna scream out loud...
IT FUCKING STINKS.
and i still don't believe in it.
i'm all on board volunteerily for the relationship...
but this whole long distance bullshit... sigh.
that's just like icing made out of poop,
on a scrumptious chocolate cake.

i hope you know how much you mean to me,
till i'm willing to put up with all of this.
because i know for sure...
i don't wanna lose you.
i really don't.