Running In Circles

There are days when I feel like the whole world is crumbling,
and there are days when I scoff at myself for feeling so.

There are days when I holler "fuck the world",
and there are days when I shadow it upon myself.

There are days when I feel down & alone,
and there are days when I feel showered with love.

There are days when I wanna just cage up indoors,
and there are days when I'm dying to spring out.

There are days when I blast & dance to electro music,
and there are days when I drown myself in mellow music.

There are days when I feel like you're lacking of my expectations,
and there are days when I beat myself up for expecting too much.

There are days when I feel like I can do better,
and there are (most) days when I feel like you're the best I could ever wish for.

There are days when I feel nothing when you utter sweet words,
and there are days when they just fill my eyes with tears of joy.

Why can't the world be black & white for once?
Albeit how dull it will be, just for once, without all those chaos?
Without having to make a decision on HOW to feel.
On what's right & what's wrong.
On what's better for the other person.
On what's better for yourself.
Decisions, decisions...
Sometimes thinking about the consequences that might come after a decision,
can drive me up the wall, all the way to that darn ceiling.
Why do I even bother?
Why do I eat myself up for petty little things that I just shouldn't give a damn about.
And things that I'm supposed to give a damn about just slips off my mind...

Had extreme lack of sleep yesterday.
Spent the whole day out till 4pm,
after a mere 2 hours of sleep the night before.
The entire day felt like a limbo.
Had the constant urge of falling asleep,
but deep down I was excited because Bryan was back from Aussie.
Yet, I failed to gather the strength to be a tad bit enthusiastic.
Came back home from a good day, to a bad & rough night.
Getting a lot of attitude & bad vibes at home.
Maybe I was just too exhausted to notice the positive ones.
There was a moment when I wanna curl under the blanket,
call you & cry my heart out.
But somehow I knew, it would feel ridiculous the next day.
True enough, this morning I woke up, feeling like it never happened.
And it's a better day ahead.

So there are good & bad days.
Good ones that you wanna cherish & store in your little memory box.
Bad ones that you just wanna heal from & erase.
Which one affects you more by the end of the day?
If you asked me, I would say the bad ones.
Good ones are just appreciated, looked upon once in a while, and somehow chucked away.
Bad ones constantly haunt dreams, thoughts & decisions, consciously or unconsciously.
Is it human nature to remember the bad ones more vividly than the good ones.
Or are we, once again, masochistic creatures & like feeling that way :s
Heh. Masochistic. Lost count of how many times I've uttered that word in the past few days.

Today's the day when I rewind & replay whatever happened;
yesterday, the day before, the week before & months before.
Today's the day I feel foolish & silly about past thoughts.
Today I feel sane.
Today the world's black & white.
Today's a better day.
I wonder what tomorrow may hold...