X Marked the Lips

I've been up pretty late last night, wondering... Since when has the internet become a medium of silent rants (at each other)? Ya know, blogs, Facebook statuses, Twitter, MySpace, Tumblr... YOU NAME IT! Well, I have fallen as a culprit for that. But I thought I was just lashing it out on words, rather than at that person. And my posts act as reminders to me about how silly my previous thoughts were. Often enough, I look back and snigger at my silly thoughts. Like the previous posts, which I've already resolved and found out that I was overthinkin things cynically. I did hurdle through first, of course. Hardly a few hours after I've published the post, I've got calls and messages asking if it were them. I never really thought people still read my posts since it seems pretty dead and my tagboard's the prove of it. So, I logged on to my Nuffnang account to "double check" my consciousness and true enough, I still get many readers daily (unsure if it's from my circle of friends, but that seems to be the case eh?) Little did I realise people feel attacked by what I said, and in return attack me with confrontations and guilt. Which was uneasy at first, but it worked its charm. Even the unintended ones felt taken aback. After a slight clearout, some just plainly said "okay, glad it's not me," or " you should take a chill pill, seriously..." and of course other/s just took it waaay too personally.

I don't really feel like talking about it, in the heat of the situation, or when I'm feeling most bummed out about it. Hey, that's the whole point of it being published here in the first place isn't it? I'm not the type who would verbally rant out about things. I feel vulnerable doing that. And because I don't wanna seem stupid, cause most of the time, they're silly thoughts! I need time to think through, not to say anything else that would come off as airheaded, and mostly for the heat to cool off. Waiting for the right time. I guess some understand and some don't. I'm flawed in that way. And I'm glad that whoever the post was intended for, understood too. Unfortunately, I sparked something else instead. Which actually raged me to rant more, but ah heck. I've done enough damage from all the rantings before, it would just make things worse.

But there's one thing I gotta say : Ask yourself why did you think the post was directed right at you. There must have been something you have done to have made you feel that way. Or you'll just know for sure it isn't you. And to turn it around and say I'm the one with the problem...?

There is so much I wanna say in my defence. But I've learned that it would all mean nothing if other/s don't wanna hear about it. And they're so darn sure your plea is bullshit. The least you could do was wait for me to clear things out when I've stepped out of this messy pig-sty myself... But I guess the damage is done. And I'm finding it so hard to breathe in all these childish acts of diva-ness. I have really heart-breaking goodbyes, uni decisions, financial planning and whatnots to deal with already. The last thing I need is another drama (one thing that our female race can NEVER escape!) to add on to it.

I would wanna state out loud that I'll stop ranting, cause that's the root of the problems, but it'll be like losing my freedom of speech. I was gonna privatise this blog, but Munboy has (persistently) asked me not to. And well, I don't really see the point of a privatised blog... However, I'll practise some self-control. Although I can see that I'll be drowning in my own thoughts instead :/ For better or worse isn't it?

Because I see that it's heading towards FULL destruction, and it's scaring the living shyt outta me!