i only log on to facebook with my mobile,
which means viewing news feed would be quite a hassle,
thus i won't bother.
i haven't seen my profile for about a week or so,
therefore i have no clue who has been walling me.
so i wouldn't have to bother to reply.
so basically i've only been posting birthday wishes,
and checking my inbox for important stuff.
i'm proud to declare that i wouldn't keel over if FB was banned!
which i think is fucking ridiculous for the gov to do nevertheless.
so what am i avoiding?
i don't know.
actually, there are a couple of reasons...
but i can't seem to pin point which is the ultimate one.
basically i'm just tired of feeling bitter about
1. not studying where i wanna study
2. not having to chance to travel (which i would if i'm studying where i'm suppose to study)
3. missing people (like a one way street) & ruining Christmas
4. being constantly reminded of things i wanna forget.
3. missing people (like a one way street) & ruining Christmas
4. being constantly reminded of things i wanna forget.
so i guess the best way is to run away?
that's always the easiest thing to do at times like this.
the question is: how far can you run? or how long can you keep at it?
so by avoiding Facebook & all the pointless dwelling,
i get to focus on what's special here...
family & friends (who are still around)
i've been home most of the time lately...
burying myself in Christmas preparations.
Christmas shopping with dearest Nutty.
Getting all the gifts wrapped...
Searching for Christmas recipes...
Grocery shopping! (feeling like a kid in a candy store)
and soon i'll be trying to meet up with friends i haven't seen in months.
really, all these beats feeling bitter about losses.
i'm trying to let go of losses, and focusing on what i have in my hands.
family who will always be here, through thick & thin.
friends who would never forget to just say "Hi, Good morning!"
or even a short annoying "Hi." & "whassssuuuuuppp?"
just to let you know they're here & they've got your back.
i guess that matters the most.
people tend to take tiny things like these for granted.
and i'm GUILTY AS CHARGED.
i just wanna end my year with a less bitter note (if not bitter AT ALL)
tonight's long conversation with Jean made me realise alot.
through all the pain & sadness & disappointments & unexpected losses,
we need to love ourselves enough to pull through...
to remind ourselves we deserve better...
to convince ourselves the worst is over...
to console ourselves that there's a better tomorrow!
because dwelling in bitterness would just harm us more.
i fear myself the most, my own thoughts scare me.
so i guess to overcome that fear, i gotta love myself.
love myself enough to trust my own thoughts.
love myself enough to know i can pull through on my own.
that i don't need anyone but myself.
so, here's a note (& a gentle reminder) for Jean
you will never be alone, as long as you have yourself in mind.
you are your own friend. your rock & your shelter.
have faith in yourself, and no one can ever fail you :)
when times are rough, and friends just don't seem to be enough,
be there for yourself & you can expect no disappointments.
you are your own expectation.
of course, don't forget that lots of people love & support you no matter what.
xoxo
i know it's much easier said than done...
as i'm constructing my "speech",
i find it hard to believe & live by it.
so i'm learning and trying.
who needs self motivation courses & books
when you can psych yourself right?
therefore, my Christmas gift to myself is
TO STOP DWELLING IN BITTERNESS.
i've done enough damage to myself already.
let's just open our eyes to things that make us happy.
like right now, having the (unusual) ability to stay till four in the morning for the past few nights (for me) to watch StarWorld (which is FEMINIZED beyond words, if i may say)
anyhoo... i'm declaring this (as silly as it ALL may sound) here,
because i know WITH ALL MY GUT, along the way i would stumble.
and all this will sound FUCKING RIDICULOUS to me.
like i'm on drugs, or been too HIGH in cheers from watching Oprah.
albeit all the crazy thoughts, this post will mean something
and this will be a gentle reminder to me...
that i (the most cynical person i know) have been optimistic once.
IT MUST THE THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT! haha.
or the fact that i'm turning 20 soon..
& i don't wanna be a bitter 20 year old LADY xD
goodbye crazy teen years, hello mundane responsibilities!
still think i'm a crazy psycho person for trying to convince myself?
i'll be prancing around like a hippy flowerchild with happy thoughts,
as the whole lot of you drown in bitter reality of the big TWO OH!
COME JOIN ME! *hocus pocus*
WAIT. i need to say that this doesn't mean i'm stripping off my cynical side.
oh, it'll be here alright, forever & never leave...
but i'll make sure the sunny side will shine brighter than the other.
for all that's worth :D
okay, enough of the self medication bullshit that i've been rattling on for the past, idk how long you've spent reading this, but yeah :B
Merry Christmas in advance!
And may the Christmas spirit bring you exceptional joy & unexpected gifts!
HoHo!
with love,
stephay aka crazy psycho bitch
that's always the easiest thing to do at times like this.
the question is: how far can you run? or how long can you keep at it?
so by avoiding Facebook & all the pointless dwelling,
i get to focus on what's special here...
family & friends (who are still around)
i've been home most of the time lately...
burying myself in Christmas preparations.
Christmas shopping with dearest Nutty.
Getting all the gifts wrapped...
Searching for Christmas recipes...
Grocery shopping! (feeling like a kid in a candy store)
and soon i'll be trying to meet up with friends i haven't seen in months.
really, all these beats feeling bitter about losses.
i'm trying to let go of losses, and focusing on what i have in my hands.
family who will always be here, through thick & thin.
friends who would never forget to just say "Hi, Good morning!"
or even a short annoying "Hi." & "whassssuuuuuppp?"
just to let you know they're here & they've got your back.
i guess that matters the most.
people tend to take tiny things like these for granted.
and i'm GUILTY AS CHARGED.
i just wanna end my year with a less bitter note (if not bitter AT ALL)
tonight's long conversation with Jean made me realise alot.
through all the pain & sadness & disappointments & unexpected losses,
we need to love ourselves enough to pull through...
to remind ourselves we deserve better...
to convince ourselves the worst is over...
to console ourselves that there's a better tomorrow!
because dwelling in bitterness would just harm us more.
i fear myself the most, my own thoughts scare me.
so i guess to overcome that fear, i gotta love myself.
love myself enough to trust my own thoughts.
love myself enough to know i can pull through on my own.
that i don't need anyone but myself.
so, here's a note (& a gentle reminder) for Jean
you will never be alone, as long as you have yourself in mind.
you are your own friend. your rock & your shelter.
have faith in yourself, and no one can ever fail you :)
when times are rough, and friends just don't seem to be enough,
be there for yourself & you can expect no disappointments.
you are your own expectation.
of course, don't forget that lots of people love & support you no matter what.
xoxo
i know it's much easier said than done...
as i'm constructing my "speech",
i find it hard to believe & live by it.
so i'm learning and trying.
who needs self motivation courses & books
when you can psych yourself right?
therefore, my Christmas gift to myself is
TO STOP DWELLING IN BITTERNESS.
i've done enough damage to myself already.
let's just open our eyes to things that make us happy.
like right now, having the (unusual) ability to stay till four in the morning for the past few nights (for me) to watch StarWorld (which is FEMINIZED beyond words, if i may say)
anyhoo... i'm declaring this (as silly as it ALL may sound) here,
because i know WITH ALL MY GUT, along the way i would stumble.
and all this will sound FUCKING RIDICULOUS to me.
like i'm on drugs, or been too HIGH in cheers from watching Oprah.
albeit all the crazy thoughts, this post will mean something
and this will be a gentle reminder to me...
that i (the most cynical person i know) have been optimistic once.
IT MUST THE THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT! haha.
or the fact that i'm turning 20 soon..
& i don't wanna be a bitter 20 year old LADY xD
goodbye crazy teen years, hello mundane responsibilities!
still think i'm a crazy psycho person for trying to convince myself?
i'll be prancing around like a hippy flowerchild with happy thoughts,
as the whole lot of you drown in bitter reality of the big TWO OH!
COME JOIN ME! *hocus pocus*
WAIT. i need to say that this doesn't mean i'm stripping off my cynical side.
oh, it'll be here alright, forever & never leave...
but i'll make sure the sunny side will shine brighter than the other.
for all that's worth :D
okay, enough of the self medication bullshit that i've been rattling on for the past, idk how long you've spent reading this, but yeah :B
Merry Christmas in advance!
And may the Christmas spirit bring you exceptional joy & unexpected gifts!
HoHo!
with love,
stephay aka crazy psycho bitch
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